Patience...

Sometimes it is hard being an adult. It is hard waiting for the right time and the right place. It is hard doing the right thing. Period.

I just heard the great news of a friend’s pregnancy. It is her second and she is a great mom, but of course, I feel a twinge of jealously, a twinge of regret that we're not ready yet.

By being ready I mean, I want a permanent (government) well paying job that will pay me through my pregnancy (90% pay, NOT the paltry 55% pay generally offered). That government job will also allow me to stay home part time after the 1 year maternity making roughly what I make working full time now. That makes sense, it is the grown up thing. I am qualified to do more than I am doing now, and since two years ago we decided we wanted a big, beautiful house in the country, 55% of my current salary is not going to pay for the life we have become accustomed to +1.

It is the money that is holding us back more than anything else. Of course, there are other teeny-tiny obstacles that I'm sure could be easily overcome if necessary. I know that when I get pregnant, I will be ready to be pregnant, possibly, I won't be ready before.

When I think of what we want for our future life, it makes sense, but I also know that not everyone is in this kind of situation when they choose to begin a family, and sometimes, no specific choice is made. Does that make me an uber-planner, unwilling to budge until an arbitrary set of actions have been completed, or does that make me an intelligent, logical adult?

Obviously, there is no right or wrong answer. We are making a decision that makes sense for us. We have the luxury of time (in terms of fertility) and are doing what make sense in our world. I know others live with a lot less than we have every day. Others do not have any kind of maternity leave to rely on. Others have not been able to choose like we are.

Still, sometimes I wish I had more patience.